(question from little me)
If I had had a daddy how different would things be
Would mommy still had done all those bad things to me
Would I have had to keep trying things that were not for me
If I had had a daddy how different would things be?
If I had had a daddy how different would thing be
Would i still be so hated by my entire family ?
Would i still be the worst mistake there could ever be
If i had had a daddy how different would things be?
Hello Joy, How has your Sunday been. I'm sitting here quietly thinking about how I isolate myself for comfort. I've done this every since I've known myself. This poem about having a daddy made me angry. The anger had nothing to do with you nor the poem. The poem only helped me address the anger I have with my birth dad. I was conceived out of an adulterous relationship. In one of my flashes I heard the argument between my mother and her husband, the man I've known as daddy all my life, they argued about me.I was blamed for everything. I think to myself that they hated me and that's why they treated me like a freak and used my body for their disturbing sick ways. I wondered when I read your poem, would it have been different for me if my birth dad would have taken me. I wondered did he know they, my parents who I loved, were raping me continuously. My dad used to beat my mom terribly and my other siblings would go to her rescue. Me, I never could face it but the sound of it was the sounds of death. Daddy was the meanest when he was drinking. I could smell the alcohol on him and it made me nauseous. So I wonder like you Joy, what could it have been like
ReplyDeleteto have a mother who loves me and a daddy who protects me...I don't want to isolate when I'm hurting.I want to come out and talk to you whenever. I believe God has given me a chance to have a friendship with you and I want to be in it...Do you like music boxes? I have a music box that was given to me last year for my birthday. It's a ballerina music box and it plays the most melodious sound. The very first time I opened it I cried. I felt the lost of such a innocent little girl. I think I will use my music box for my first show and tell. I wish there was some way I could share my video diary with you. Then you can tell me what you see. I trust your judgement. I feel you will be honest with me. Maybe one day God will open that avenue for us..I hope your Sunday has been good to you thus far.
RiRi
Hello Riri
ReplyDeleteI was not wanted and was raised in a volatile home and was accused till I left of being the worst mistake and after I left as a failure.. never will succeed. .never had any encouraging words.. so I understand.. I cry every time i read my daddy poem. wish daddy was more than a one time deal but that was it. he was not married to mom and she knew she never see him again but she didn't know she conceived during that one time . .Big mistake. .. her worst. that is what I was .. Only mom beat me . step dad never interfered.. never stopped it. i think if i had a real daddy or protector bad things never would have happened. .he would have stopped it. .not permitted his little girl .. so i think but we like to dream and think what if and it makes me cry.. would love to see your video some day . .would be so nice. .i bet its beautiful like your soul. it gives me happiness to know you find some solace here. I learn from you RiRi too.. Am working on my collage T suggested. I must say am quite proud of my creation .. am just a little girl inside. i haven't grown up and love to play and create things;)
Hope you have a good night;) xoxoxo
love you
Joy
I like to play in the rain. I was playing ball with my young nephew once and it started raining and we finished the game in the rain, just laughing with the rain. My daughters and I used to bike ride all the time and play jacks, we even once got married to each other,(how silly that was). I like playing hide and go seek in the house. I have a lot of play and imagination in me that I haven't shared because I felt like it was only for little girls and I am a adult. I love the simplicity of life. I love to love, it's beautiful...I look at my mother sometimes and I feel the deepest hurt for her because she has never experienced love. My dad and her denies everything that has happened. You wouldn't believe it Joy. It's like they erased everything that happened and it scares me.
ReplyDeleteRiri
ReplyDeleteMe too .. I use to go walk in all the puddles once it stopped raining and we use to have this hole the end of our drive way and we love to jump in it until we got trouble for becoming muddied.. I don't know how to be grown up and don't like same things most adults like . .or do i talk like most do.. the things that are important to most tire me . i have no desire to listen. maybe am a stubborn little girl on top of it all;) Playing hide and seek sounds like lots of fun. and must have been fun to pretend marry .. so what if it seemed foolish it was fun..
Thanks for sharing I enjoy sharing with you ..
xoxox
love
joy
I'm so delighted heaven brought us together. :)) I hope the rest of your evening is as pleasant as you have made mine.
ReplyDeleteRiRi
RiRi
ReplyDeleteI feel the same.happy we found each other.. I am finishing my collage.. am like a little girl having fun. have cut out and colored and taped things . i have no glue. didnt get to store. yet..;)
Nighty night
xoxo
Love u
joy