Friday, January 11, 2013
The nights were always scary **trigger***
The nights were always scary because the monster always came
He wasn't any casual stranger.. for, he held the family name
What made him o so scary were the bad things he would do
He made me feel so awful; then threatened me when he was through
My sister, she also knew him; but she was much braver than I
She ran away from all the bad stuff but I was too scared to try
So while my sis was beginning the journey to become whole
I was busy dodging the monster who was trying to kill my soul.
Its a shame that a child should suffer or ever experience pain
For tragedies that happen in childhood throughout a life can remain
The formative years are precious and when they're lost through hurt
The adult survivor will struggle with identity and self worth.
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Daddy was 'the monster in the house'and he came after us. My sister the nearest to my age would stand and fight along with my other siblings but I would run and hide. Daddy didn't rape them but he did me. My sister Lynn would find me every time the fights were over. I don't remember most of my childhood but the flashes gives me insight to the emotions that are alive inside me. I do remember mother screams, the guns,knives, and brass knuckles. I had to read to 'the monster' out of the bible three and four in the morning. He used to make to sing church hymns to him. Mother and Daddy both made us sing in church or we got scorned for expressing anything different. Mother assisted 'the monster' in much of the sexual abuse towards me...This poem, I like Joy. I see the little girl of me in it and I need to see her more. I want to see her more..I thank you once again for sharing your gift from God..I love you and appreciate your faithfulness to your writing...RiRi
ReplyDeleteIsn't it sad dear Riri that the most hurtful people can sometimes put on the most ridiculous masks .. appearing to be so devout while hurting God's little ones..it seems so awful.. I am here to help you and your little girl.. let her out and let her talk.. she is safe here.. letting out little ones out to see they don't have to hide no more.. the bad monsters are gone.. its scary since we feel unsafe at times.. I will be trying to write once a week this way .. so that you can allow your little girl to walk with mine .. together we will get through all this scary stuff from the past... its so sad that the bible was use by such an evil person. you are precious to God..love Joy
ReplyDeleteI love you Joy. You understand the scary part of me and I'm so thankful to God for your tender and sweet spirit. I don't trust her with anyone. I've tried to share her pain, only to be judged and reprimanded. Sometimes I don't respond but it's only because I'm trying to protect her. Her life I respect to the fullest and I will protect her as she did try to protect me...I trust you Joy. Please do continue to pray for me as I do you all the time. Thank you for your helping hand...RiRi
ReplyDeleteHello dear Riri ..yes I understand ..in so many ways..and I feel deeply your pains and your fears..Here there will never be judgement .. only love and care.. your little girl inside needs healing i know. as she is same as mine.. i will continue to pray for you Riri.please do for me too.. someday we will not be so afraid of everything..
ReplyDeletelove you
xoxo
joy