They never knew

They didn't even know, that the mother we all shared:
Abused me and hurt me and never really cared
Though I didn't make it public or even run away;
So many times I was tempted, and didn't want to stay.

I was stuck with a mask: mother church put on me
I kept all things silent, till I was finally free:
Then in a feeble effort to grasp some sanctity,
I joined some "holy ones" who were devilish as can be.

No matter where I turned,the church I  once knew
Was ever more frightening: I questioned what to do
For so long, I was mislead: by doctrines and by law;
But then, became instructed by realities that I saw.

We were being brainwashed to surrender how we feel
To become a holy saint one must suffer a great deal
How could a loving God be behind such a way
I can no longer accept it: this is all I can say.

As a little child, they told me saints would never cry;
And suffering was something holy: so I must always try
To keep my sufferings hidden and never ever tell
That I was being beaten or I would go to Hell.