Because I have PTSD

I wish that I could be who you want me to be
Someone perfect and flawless: no signs of PTSD
Despite all of my efforts and everything I do:
I feel like I'm failing: disappointing to you.

I have all of these flashbacks again and again
I think they are over then they start up within:
Carrying their banners that everyone can see
My memories keep shouting out because I have PTSD.

If I could control them, not allow them to begin
My memories and hurts would never come out again
But I'm helplessly unknowing: they have no set times
They appear without notice and whisper their rhymes.

Pleading before you as I'm requesting more space
Don't hold me accountable I'm stuck in some place
A victim of circumstance, I've committed no crime
My fears and my memories hold me backwards in time.