while in the desert

While in the desert of my heart I saw again those years
That made me to be the person I am; my eyes well up with tears
I have no choice but to see it all for I am sitting deep within
The sounds so hurtful  from  long ago are now echoing again.

I can hear the insults of my mom and feel the painful blows
Hear the cries of a little one holding secrets nobody  knows
Then I see the others leave but the little one doesn't go
She continues to receive  all the pain; for what, she doesn't know

Who can explain the reasons why some have to suffer so
Is there really an answer for this, I would really like to know
Please don't tell me about free will and that our God of love
Couldn't reach down from the Heavens and stop it from above.

God parted the sea and fed the thousands so surely little ole me
Could not have been a difficult task .. God  just let me be
I'm not one to dabble with God but I know I'll ask some day
Why was it You let me suffer so much and never took me away.

Secrets from the desert

Being that is so hot today and I feel intensely the heat
I will go back to my desert inside and try to find a treat
How difficult it is to ponder when the  heat exhausts the air
Yet seasoned mystics will all agree :treasures are everywhere

Even though there are no flowers or any trees around
The desert has a  beauty that's waiting to be found
In the silence and the emptiness that it seems to hold
Secrets from our inner selves slowly begin to unfold

And in that unfolding of our selves we find a resting place
That sparkles with light, love and joy and fills our soul with grace
The experience of letting go begins  so we can take in more
The desert always invites inside to find what we're looking for.








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Emerging from the night

I come to the morning broken after a very long night
And try to immerse myself inside the morning light
It was a very long evening fighting through those years
That came to me as memories and caused so many tears

But I am a survivor inside and have some tools from "T"
So am  putting them to use as I go deep inside of me
I am picturing some quiet lakefront lined with flowering trees
I hear the symphony of birds and the buzzing of some bees

My eyes find comfort in the waters that are sparkling bright
The wind blowing upon my face soothes me with great delight
I breathe in slowly the peace that escaped from me last night
And exhale all that badness that kept my soul in fright

A special thanks is going out to my therapist, ever wise;
Who has given to me  some tools to help clear the cloudy skies
I am here thinking in this  moment and grateful as can be
That from a lake inside me I have found some serenity

My Heart is So Heavy

My heart is so heavy I wish I had nice words to say
But  am utterly and entirely discouraged in every way
I am truly  a mess, my tears are running  everywhere
 I wish I could be unbroken ; that family would care

Morning Fog

I had to get out early to put the trash outside
There was a morning fog stretching out so wide
I couldn't see quite clearly; so i slowly moved  along
The birds, they didn't  mind it; they sang a pretty song

The universe was waking and embraced  the fog so dear
All creation was singing out:  "everything is clear"
I was barely moving  yes I could hardly even see
So I took this morning's fog deep inside of   me

Time to do some pondering and turn it all around
There is a message here; just waiting to be found
Fog may blur one's vision and even cause delay
But underneath it all life continues along the way

So when things are unclear and impair what you do
Think of the morning fog; you can  make it through
Though it may be scary seeing things with a blur
One step at a time you'll make it, of this I am sure.

Keeping Vigil with Caylee

Keeping vigil with you Caylee brings me back home
My mind is heavily burdened as it begins to roam
Through all the memories and hurts of yesteryear
Yet I am still living Caylee; you are not here

I feel once again  all the  times that  I was beat
And experience again the shame of things i had to eat
Yet you little angel wont suffer this any more
Your memory will live on like the  light on my  door

There's so much injustice, so much that's unfair
Your little life snuffed out; does anyone care
Of Course many do and that's why I write
Of solidarity with you and burn my porch light